Thinkspace

A personal blog on periodic happenings in my life (with variable importance). Oppinion on other matters, gallery, publications and such, could be found in my website (link into this weblog).

Friday, January 20, 2006

Long time without writting on this journal

There have happened more things than I can name and explain, the loss of many friendships being one of the worst. But losing friends would not be too painful if one could find new ones; however that has not been my case. Perhaps I am approaching the age where people no longer cares about the rest, and got used to live alone, scavenging remains of what someday could be called life. I am surrounded of people affraid of being harmed by external presences, they no longer trust or share, the excuse is that there is no time to do that... there is so many more important things, like, for example, earning money. Sad as it sounds, money is clearly more important than anything else. As people gets old, they become monsters.

Across this half a year my life got some twists to its course, but it is still the same history of the last two years. Lack of a (true) reason to live (to survive is not a valid one), lack of feeling in communion with the others, lack of everthing a life worth of living should have; and lack of money, but one can be poor and happy, but not lone and lost, and happy.

I am no longer a medicine student. Medicine, as it is done in the west, is an abomination. Students joining the career only to earn large amounts of money, to have status, to have luxury at the expense of people's fear of disease. I could not stay in such a greed-riddled, envy-poisoned place, I moved off, despite whatever was my parents oppinion on it. Now I'm heading to be a chemist; this change delayed me 1 year of studies, but I don not care, it is my vocation.

My change of career was most likely the best thing I did on this year, and I am proud of having done it. Now that I just wrote those words down I felt better... it made this past year (2005) worth the pain.

On the light side of things I also finished my tabletop Role Playing Game system, that is something I will feel proud about someday. It took me a brutal amount of work, three months in a row being tormented everyday with the feeling that the game was endless. I finished it about 1 month late, by the middle of December, and the project should have been finished by the the beggining of November. The term to finish it was not set by me, it was set by the Ilustre Municipalidad de Rancagua, I was making that game as part of a municipal project (not something trivial). Anyways, I am done, but I still have to do something else regarding that project, it seems to be an endless duty... but someday I will be free of this, and I hope it worths the pain. Someday I may even translate it to English, who knows, that could solve my money problems.

I think I will leave this entry at this point. Nearly all the other news are bad ones, and now that I wrote this all down, I feel better, and want to feel that way for a couple hours more...

I will write more about what else happened during the last 6 months, soon.

Soulice Pentalis.


PD: the original title for this entry was "Life is sadder than a graveyard", but somehow telling the good part of the past year improved my mood... good thing. Though life keeps being sadder than a graveyard.

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